Happiness Is A Choice

At an all men’s conference, one of the men raised his hand and asked if he will ever be happy.  He confessed that he woke up every morning since he was a child with a tremendous amount of unhappiness and couldn’t understand why he felt that way.  His parents were wealthy, he had a lot of friends and was an accomplished athlete, yet in is heart he never felt fulfilled and rarely smiled.  Many of us may be able to relate to him.   We have this feeling of unhappiness throughout life, searching for people or things to make us happy.  Thinking that when we find the right person we will live happily ever after.  When we find the right job and become wealthy we will have all of the material things and be fulfilled.  We think we will be but are we under false pretenses?  Have you ever felt that way?

A revelation occurred when visiting an all-boys orphanage that housed boys aged 2 – 17.  Many of us may be preparing ourselves to walk into a room of abandoned souls; who have struggled with not knowing their parents and feeling forgotten.  The shocking truth is that the smiles and laughter could be heard from the streets and the energy of the youth was overwhelming.  Watching them playing basketball, helping each other and showing both love and support for each other; it was very fulfilling. 

REALITY CHECK.  It’s not easy to find and maintain the feeling of being happy.  Personally, happiness in my life has been elusive.  Feeling so close to obtaining it and then letting circumstances dictate how I feel.  The desire for happiness is ever present, but what if we all admitted to ourselves that it is actually our choice to make?  Many of us choose to stay comfortable in an uncomfortable situation.  Choosing to be a victim, stay in a state of depression or sadness, complaining or relating to other unhappy people instead of making changes. 

Happiness is a choice no matter what we’ve been through in this life.  For example, on the exterior, Robin Williams was a successful comedian, actor, and father, but on the interior, he allowed the pain and sadness to control his life and decided to end his own.  How different would this be if he was able to share those feelings and feel supported instead of overwhelmed?  I’ve seen lawyers, Doctors and entrepreneurs have all of the material things, job titles and wealth, but what does success mean to you?  Consider that success could be dictated by the happiness you feel. 

Happiness is a choice we have to make. There is no magic pill that can cure the despair for the rest of our lives.  We have to reach inside and search for it.  After reading this, you could choose to make the decisions you need to change the way you feel.  Please understand you will not smile 24/7, laugh all day or feel on top of the world 365 days of the year.  Happiness is a state of contentedness, feeling pleasure from what you have and what you place value on as “good”.  Promise yourself you will do all the things necessary; self-reflection, self-help, read to open your mind or surround yourself with people that are positive.  Don’t allow the negative relationships in your life to determine your destiny and keep you in a place of unhappiness.  Everyone has a choice, choose wisely.

      

Be happy, not because everything is good, but because you can see the good in everything.

When I was 5 years old my Mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I wrote down “happy”.  They said that I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life.  – John Lennon

A Man’s Heart

A Man’s Heart

Society has dismissed men as lacking emotion or unable to feel.  Maybe it’s because of the way boys are raised; we are told to “man up” and taught that crying shows weakness.  It’s because of this that we grow up unable to accept our true feelings or to have to tools needed to express them.  When in truth, we think and feel just as deeply, but express our feelings through a secret code.  A code that even we can’t decipher.  Ever wonder why the suicide rate is significantly higher in men than women?  The heart can only store so much before it explodes and results in suicide, self-harm or living with a broken spirit.

As men, we are under a lot of pressure and if we show weakness, doubt spreads regarding our ability to provide and stay strong.  I have loved and lost and through it all, remaining strong to live up to the expectation of what friends and society expect a “real man” to be.  How many times have you held back, repressed or pushed down your true emotions to make sure you “kept it together”. I think as men we have all experienced many times when we have felt misunderstood or unable to share our true feelings; all because of the fear of the other person’s reaction.  I can admit to myself that I have let those buried thoughts affect my actions, ended some relationships in the past and often felt kept in a box.

REALITY CHECK.  You will not feel any better if you do not admit your true feelings.  By denying emotions like vulnerability and sadness, you may allow them to manifest as anger or pride.  Have you ever felt so upset or disappointed in yourself that you ended up projecting your anger at someone or something else? Have you ever been so discouraged or frustrated that you used another “acceptable situation” to release some tears?  Football and hockey players are thought of as some of the most “macho” individuals and yet they appear to be comfortable expressing their feelings with each other during a game.  Where else can we see men patting each other on the butt, embracing and cheering?  If it wasn’t for the safe place of our circle of friends or a team environment, would the same sharing of emotion be acceptable? I would bet that you wouldn’t see the same level of openness.

I encourage all men to take the steps they need towards getting in touch what is really in their heart.  Don’t you wonder why the second you shut things down and try to relax, the headaches come?  Stressed on vacation unable to figure out why?  The daily grind keeping you stuck in a routine to cover it all up.  The suicide rate is significantly higher in men than women because we keep things locked up and it’s killing us.  Men, find a safe place, a trusted friend, family member or spouse, and get some of this weight off of your chest.  Telling someone what’s keeping you down is not being weak, it’s the ultimate show of inner strength. 

Inspiration – Keep This In Your Heart

“The tragedy of life is not death, but what dies inside of us while we live.” – Robin Williams 

Love

We, as men, tend to love differently than women. But no matter what, love has the ability to empower us, to change us and even though we live is a sick harsh world, love is like a powerful antibiotic to help us heal.  Love overcomes all obstacles and provides us with the support we need to go on. 

Have you ever got the feeling that love has ‘loopholes’?  By that it means… I love you as long as you are ‘handsome,’ ‘beautiful,’ or have ‘a lot of money.’  But we know that you can’t dress love up in how good someone looks.  Personal self-reflection and some deep thinking can often cause us to have a different perspective.  Maybe it’s all the reading that has causes our minds to reprogram themselves causing us to be left with one word, love.  The word that many of us men have misused throughout our lives.

REALITY CHECK.  The Bible says "love your neighbour has you love thyself."  Now whether you believe in the Bible or not if you have a lot of self-hate, it is guaranteed you won’t be able to love someone in a healthy way.  It is important to take the time for yourself to address those parts of your past that you may have loved and lost, made mistakes, had regrets or carry resentment.  If you are loving someone in the hopes that if you make them happy, then will in turn make you happy; you are setting the relationship up for failure from the start.

Challenge yourself to examine in an honest way; how you view yourself and takes the steps to love yourself so you can truly experience loving someone else.  Ask yourself, are you happy with who you are?  Are you able to give freely to someone else without expecting something in return?   What do you think love is? Do you know how to love each other in a healthy way?  When you are able to answer those questions each and every relationship you have will benefit positively.

“A flower cannot blossom without sunshine and a man cannot live without love.”

“Love is not something that you look for, love is something that you become.” – Alina Villasant