Our fathers are our primary role model for us as men. The majority of fathers define manhood based on their fathers and the definition of what it means to be a man is passed on down through the generations. Passing along their old fashioned ways of thinking that real men don’t cry, they don’t express their emotions and have to provide. Or that real men only show strength and that they will work through emotional pain, physical pain and when they are asked the question of what’s wrong and the answer is always the same, “I’m fine.” This is learned from what generations have heard from the men before them. We are often limited by the fact that you can only teach what you have been taught. If you hear “man up”, “be strong”, that’s what you will pass along. Many fathers don’t see the impact that they have on their little boys from an early age and may not realize that they are showing their sons by what they say and how they act; what it means to be “a man”.
Society is no exception. The media highlights athletes and role models, all telling us to “be a man”. Society has put a lot of pressures onto men. Those men that lacked mentorship allow society to define manhood for them, going through life showing only signs of strength and putting that smile on your face no matter how you are feeling inside. Imagine all the young men that have been “raised” by a hip hop artists telling them how a man has to be or an athlete sharing his opinion of manhood that can cause youth to adopt it as their truth.
REALITY CHECK. There are many double standards that men face. Why is it that a woman that gets money from her husband, is in a successful relationship, but a man who gets money from his wife, is a liability? Why is a married woman without a job a homemaker, but a married man without a job is a loser? The truth is, if you choose to let these double standards dictate your lives, you will bury, hide or suppress what is in your heart; causing physical pain, emotional pain, suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety and mental illness. Society thinks that men should do things alone and that we should not ask for help. When, in fact, in order to survive in today’s society you need companionship and you need to have positive influences in your life!
Personally, this is exactly what I strive for in my own life. I told my son that it’s ok to cry and that’s its ok to say what’s on his heart. It doesn’t make you soft. When he told me he had never seen me cry, I told him that I have cried, many times. He then grabbed my head, as only a son could do to a father, and told me that it’s going to be ok and he told me that I’m still amazing. How many of us as grown men, would respond that way? Being a man doesn’t mean that when you are in any kind of distress or pain, by talking about it, you are a “pussy” or you are “soft”. I want to engrain it in my son’s head so that his friends don’t come and distort his thinking. It’s important to share what is on your heart. I have to show my son love and have to show him the true definition of manhood and not allow society, music and media to raise him. Do what other men in your life were unable to do and start now.
INSPIRATION – KEEP THIS IN YOUR HEART
"Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions." - Will Smith
"Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me. Going to bed at night saying that we've done something wonderful, that's what matters to me." - Steve Jobs
"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me." - Jim Valvano
