Slow Down

The list. We all have that mental ‘Rolodex’ of things to do and not enough time to get them done. Or at least it feels that way. The days and nights fly by, with each day feeling the same as the day before. The pressures of bills, work, appointments, kids, friends, our spouses, even the idea of running out of gas or forgetting our phone leaves us with nothing left in the tank. We are torn between being present for our families and with our responsibilities at work: Often working at a job that we hate just trying to help move ourselves and our families forward. We end up feeling trapped, stuck and unable to break free no matter what we do.

Maybe you have given into the pressures of life. Maybe you simply go through the motions each day/month/year without ever making progress on your goals. Maybe you spend more time thinking about the unhappy moments rather than taking time to create new, happy moments.

REALITY CHECK. We have two choices; either we run the day, or the day runs us.  All of us have the same amount of hours in each day, so let’s find better ways to use those hours and to stop worrying about what we cannot change.  Look at your mental ‘Rolodex’ and cut some of the things from the to-do list. Make sure that your priorities make sense for your goals. Find a way to ask for what you need. We are designed to help each other so, ask for help.

We have become accustomed to flying from one thing to the next: We punch the time clock and don’t take time to enjoy the actual moments in the day. When you come home from work and your spouse asks “how was work today?”, most times we are only focused on the to-do list of our mental ‘Rolodex’. Someone once told me “your inbox will never be empty”. So, even though you didn’t have time for lunch, even though you may be wearing mismatched socks, even though you may hate the guy in the cubicle beside you, and especially when you feel that it’s not going to be a good life - Slow down.

The stress is unhealthy and too much multitasking adds stress to our bodies and minds.  It increases our chances of ulcers, high blood pressure, heart attacks and other illnesses.  We often cope by using drugs or alcohol, gambling, overeating or, womanizing. We all know that those behaviours will only make things worse.  So, take charge of your own life and find ways to live mindfully - Live in each moment - Pay attention. When we take time to live in the moment and pay attention, we make it hard for stressful thoughts to enter our mind. Your time is valuable so fill it with ideas that contribute to your goals. Remember to treat your body and mind with respect and simplify your life. Find what fuels your passion, brings your joy and do that. Slow down. Change your life.

KEEP THIS IN YOUR HEART – INSPIRATION

If you are always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you are in?

Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it.

- Donovan Mckenzie

The Struggle

We are in a constant battle as a man to be a faithful husband, boyfriend or as the world calls it, a “good man” with a high moral compass.  We are often torn between doing what is right for our relationship and self-gratification. Self-gratification often comes in the form of having women on the side who we use for sex and fun.  On one hand, we want the fun, fantasy world even though it leads to an unfulfilled life: On the other hand, we want to be the faithful husband who makes his wife feel like a queen. When we are saying those words at the altar - “to love, to cherish and to be faithful, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part”, are we actually paying attention?   Many of us have come to find that those are just words, said when we are caught up in the moment; not really understanding the commitment. We convince ourselves that we don’t have to feel the shame and the guilt of cheating. 

REALITY CHECK.  We grew up thinking that the more women we have; the more notches on our belts, make us more of a man.  We are taught time and time again from our fathers, older brothers, uncles and friends that it’s okay to cheat because it’s a part of manhood.  We believe that it’s acceptable to have a double life; one with your wife and another with your girlfriend.  We see successful men who we think have it all together; fathers, husbands, athletes - when in reality, they’re having the same struggle.  Some of us get caught up in porn or affairs and end up losing our families. 

Many men suffer from an overall lack of self-esteem.  When our wives and girlfriends stop giving us the affirmation that we have relied on to feel good and worthy, we begin to have doubts.  It’s in these times that we end up seeking affirmation from other women.  This is not an excuse…there is no excuse.

The struggle is real.  Now, men, we will have to unlearn and reprogram our minds to begin fighting this battle.  Let’s not lie to ourselves, we can’t do it alone.  The ways that we may have learned from other men in our lives, poor role models or our fantasy world built up in our mind - it all has to be grounded in a new reality.  We live in a world where porn is one of the most profitable industries.  We resist opportunities online and temptations around every corner only to come home to wives or girlfriends who we have to beg for a kiss. We need to come to a place where we are desperate enough to fight that battle. We have to look in our hearts - We may have to look deep.

Speak up. Join a group. Talk to positive role models. Ask for guidance. Be accountable.

KEEP THIS IN YOUR HEART – INSPIRATION

  “It’s impossible says pride.  It’s risky said experience.  It’s pointless, said reason.  Give it a try, said the heart.”

“The toughest battle you will ever fight is the battle within yourself.”

- Donovan Mckenzie