The Struggle

We are in a constant battle as a man to be a faithful husband, boyfriend or as the world calls it, a “good man” with a high moral compass.  We are often torn between doing what is right for our relationship and self-gratification. Self-gratification often comes in the form of having women on the side who we use for sex and fun.  On one hand, we want the fun, fantasy world even though it leads to an unfulfilled life: On the other hand, we want to be the faithful husband who makes his wife feel like a queen. When we are saying those words at the altar - “to love, to cherish and to be faithful, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part”, are we actually paying attention?   Many of us have come to find that those are just words, said when we are caught up in the moment; not really understanding the commitment. We convince ourselves that we don’t have to feel the shame and the guilt of cheating. 

REALITY CHECK.  We grew up thinking that the more women we have; the more notches on our belts, make us more of a man.  We are taught time and time again from our fathers, older brothers, uncles and friends that it’s okay to cheat because it’s a part of manhood.  We believe that it’s acceptable to have a double life; one with your wife and another with your girlfriend.  We see successful men who we think have it all together; fathers, husbands, athletes - when in reality, they’re having the same struggle.  Some of us get caught up in porn or affairs and end up losing our families. 

Many men suffer from an overall lack of self-esteem.  When our wives and girlfriends stop giving us the affirmation that we have relied on to feel good and worthy, we begin to have doubts.  It’s in these times that we end up seeking affirmation from other women.  This is not an excuse…there is no excuse.

The struggle is real.  Now, men, we will have to unlearn and reprogram our minds to begin fighting this battle.  Let’s not lie to ourselves, we can’t do it alone.  The ways that we may have learned from other men in our lives, poor role models or our fantasy world built up in our mind - it all has to be grounded in a new reality.  We live in a world where porn is one of the most profitable industries.  We resist opportunities online and temptations around every corner only to come home to wives or girlfriends who we have to beg for a kiss. We need to come to a place where we are desperate enough to fight that battle. We have to look in our hearts - We may have to look deep.

Speak up. Join a group. Talk to positive role models. Ask for guidance. Be accountable.

KEEP THIS IN YOUR HEART – INSPIRATION

  “It’s impossible says pride.  It’s risky said experience.  It’s pointless, said reason.  Give it a try, said the heart.”

“The toughest battle you will ever fight is the battle within yourself.”

- Donovan Mckenzie