Fatherless

Picture getting ready for your basketball game or track and field meet, glancing into the stands; hoping to see your father cheering you on.  Just hoping one day he would be there to see you score that winning basket, a soaring dunk or watch you sprint faster than everyone else on the track. But every time you looked, he was nowhere to be seen. Disappointment.

Although there may be some benefits to having your father physically present in the house; as we get older, we need more.  Many of us may have realized that having a father that had emotionally checked out was no different than our friends that never had a chance to meet theirs.  Physically there, but not there emotionally.  As many of us matured and became father's ourselves, our hearts reach out to the men and women that never had a chance to meet their fathers, or connect emotionally with them to receive the guidance, love, support and affirmation that only a father can provide.

REALITY CHECK.  When asked how they were raised, the men incarcerated with lifelong sentences had a shocking number admit that they were raised in a father-absent home.  It would be interesting to find out if we were to ask women caught up in a life of stripping or escorting if they too were missing that important interaction with their fathers.  What about the girl from the suburbs that keeps dating all the wrong men for a similar reason?  Both groups of women simply missing their fathers to give them the love that they craved.  They both could be in a different place and would never need the wrong type of attention.  Ladies, you know we are trying to say.

Knowing is half the battle and how gaining the knowledge we need to begin to fix and heal, is key.  Knowledge is power.  When you gain the knowledge you need, basically to accept the fact that your father was not there; you begin to forgive yourself and the mistakes you've made because of that.  Identify what is missing and get it from the right sources, instead of searching for it or accepting it from any warm body beside you.  Group therapy, individual therapy, reading and journaling may help you to identify what you need in your life emotionally and find others that you can identify with and overcome with.  

“One thing that prevents a man from being a good father, is that he hasn't completed being a boy.”

“The only time you turn your back on your kid is so that they can hop on.”

“A Father is neither an anchor to hold us back, nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light to show us the way.”