The Power of Dreams

Challenge yourself this year to reprogram your way of thinking through reading, writing and finding your purpose.  In July of 2014 I ran a red light with a friend of mine and my son, who was 5 years old at the time and all I can remember is feeling a high impact jolt which obliterated the entire front end of my car.  I was afraid to turn back, wondering if my son was alive; thankfully I heard his innocent voice, “Daddy are you ok?”  From the moment I heard the sound of my own blood, my son, I cried and I knew it wasn’t our time, our dreams had not yet been fulfilled.

The reality hit when the officer pulled me aside and said, “I don’t know how you all walked away from this alive.”  If it would have been a truck that hit us that day, we would be dead.   The impact of this was significant; both physically and mentally.  Each one of us with our own scars from that day.  My son is almost always nervous before getting into a car, regardless of who is driving.  I am grateful for the second chance I have received, for the dreams I’ve had for my life since the car crash, have begun to manifest.   

REALITY CHECK.    Watch and take it all in. 

 We know we get caught up in our busy day to day lives and find it hard to reflect and ask ourselves, “If you died tonight can you say you found what your purpose was and fulfilled the dreams you had been dying to put into reality?”  Do you sit at your desk job, doing the same thing over and over, caught in a routine without even questioning whether or not it is what you are born to do?  Is this my purpose?  

Some of us may have witnessed men and women battle cancer for years and refuse to die until they accomplish their dreams and live their purpose that God has put them on the earth for.  People, we have a purpose and we are only given so long to find out what it is and to live it!  Watch the video… sometimes it is only by the power of our dreams that has kept us alive.  Dreams are what keep us going, keep us focused and motivated. 

If some of you are wondering if this is the same Donovan McKenzie that you knew from “back in the day” that is writing this blog with such passion, vulnerability and openness; it is.  This is the result of many doors closing and the right ones opening.  When you find your purpose, not even your own doubts can stand in your way of your success.

“If you are building your own dreams, you are busy building someone else’s.”

“Purpose is the great divider that separates those who are simply living, from those who are truly alive.”

Every Coin Has Two Sides

How many times have you heard the saying, “There are two sides to every story?”   Was it you saying it defensively?  Ladies, did you tell all your girlfriends about his betrayal, dishonesty and wrongdoings?   Some of us may have believed is that the person telling us the story about all the cheating, lying and neglect being done to them was 100% factual, painting the perfect picture as the victim. 

The revelation is that we as men have our sides of the story too.  But the majority of the time we keep our stories in our vault, in a file stored away in our head.  As a man you may have felt at times, you haven’t been able to tell your side of why your marriage ended or why a close friendship broke up.  Society tells us to “man up” or to “let it go,” just to keep the peace and slide out the back door; letting her be the voice of the relationship and telling others “how it really happened.”

REALITY CHECK.  Do you heal by sharing all the details of what went wrong, forgetting to include what went right?  Or do you heal by storing it away and pretending it didn’t happen?  Every dispute, every divorce, every broken relationship has two sides of the story.  Men, were you able to tell her that her words hurt you?  That being call a “loser” when you were working hard, and not being able to communicate sealed your fate?   Did you bring her flowers and go through the motions when in reality you had left the relationship years ago?   Did she then cut you off when it’s time for her to listen to you; causing you to shut off and search for that outside validation from another woman?  Each time, leaving yourself feeling cold, unemotional and detached. 

As men, we are taught that we are never the victim, casting a shadow over us that it was all our fault.  Sometimes it only takes one word, over and over to cause us to stray or to detach.  We are taught to tough it out.  Men it’s time to tell your side of the story out of the vault.  Just be honest and tell what you were unable to communicate back then.  It’s going to allow you to heal emotionally, let go of any resentment you have kept and mend broken relationships.

As part of our healing, it’s important for men to face the facts and why you have done what you have done.  It’s also important to tell your side so that your friends, family and maybe even the “women scorned” can be freed from the questions and assumptions that they may have made about you in the past.  Tell your side and truly move on to the next chapter in your life.  There are two sides to the story, everyone has to own their part and take accountability.   

“Two sides to every story, yet people end up listening to one side and believe it to be the truth.” – anonymous

“Before you assume, learn the facts.  Before you judge, understand why.  Before you hurt someone, feel.  Before you speak, think.” – anonymous   

Forgiving Yourself

We all have days that we sit down, blaming ourselves, going over the decisions that we have made in our lives that have brought us to this moment.  Wondering why we keep making the same mistakes, experiencing feelings of hopelessness or doubt and why we are not where we thought we would be in life.  What I’ve come to realize is that we spend a lot of time reliving our pasts hoping to find the answer to the million dollar question; “Why did I do that?”

Give yourself grace, forgive yourself and free yourself.  Forgiving yourself may seem like an impossible task, but by holding in that guilt, shame or resentment we are only punishing ourselves.  We may have a legitimate reason why we feel like we have to hold on.  Most of us have regrets, things left unsaid or buried deep inside, but without forgiveness, the past will always find a way into our present and if we are not careful our future.    

REALITY CHECK.   When I visit my Mom’s graveyard and look around at all the people with tombstones I wonder how many died with heavy hearts or burdened minds, never reaching their full potential. Holding back from fulfilling their life’s purpose, creating healthy, lasting relationships or a combination of both.   Despite the sadness, it also motivates me to forgive myself, to move on and get past my past.  You can’t live the life you want and feel light in your heart, unless you take the opportunity to look in the mirror and tell yourself out loud “I forgive myself.” When is the last time you got real, got deep and took a good, long look in the mirror?  Have you ever wrote out a description of the man you want to be and compared it the man you are?  Have you took it to the next level and wrote down what you need to forgive yourself for so that you can begin living the life you were meant to have?

When you finish reading this, sit and think; what can I do to forgive myself?”  You may feel vulnerable and weak, but that is exactly the place you need to be to begin to look up and let go.  I cheated. I was in jail.  I lost my job.  I hurt a lot of people.  I have lied.  Forgive yourself.   Please don’t take it lightly, society, your friends maybe even your family, may be comfortable living with a certain amount of guilt, it may even feel “normal”.  So even if you choose to forgive others first….be sure to make time to for your own forgiveness and recognize that it’s never too late to start.  I had a revelation while writing this blog and it was that; forgiveness is a choice and death is certain.  So how will you live out the rest of your life?

Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.  – Les Brown

“In order to heal we must first forgive… and sometimes the person we must forgive is ourselves.” - Mila Bron